


i literally got attacked by my fucking cat

by bingdtocom



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Author Projecting onto Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Blood, F/F, Gender Dysphoria, Highschool AU, M/M, Multi, Non-Graphic Violence, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Technoblade-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Tourette's Syndrome, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), chatfic, gay gay homosexual gay, lol u thought this wasnt gonna be angsty, thats- okay.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 16:34:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30142404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bingdtocom/pseuds/bingdtocom
Summary: chatfic. we all love chatfics. the relationship tags- the ones with / are romantic, the ones with & are not. i am not shipping minors. also this is not entirely chatfic. the voices are in this btw, since it's technoblade centric lol. also sam, bbh, skeppy, and puffy are old in this lol.THERE IS SKEPHALO IN THIS I JUST DONT LIKE THAT THE TAG HAS THEIR REAL NAMES
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity & Sam | Awesamdude, Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Cara | Captain Puffy & Clay | Dream & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Clay | Dream & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Eret & Floris | Fundy & Niki | Nihachu & Ranboo, Minx | JustAMinx/Niki | Nihachu, Sam | Awesamdude/Ponk | DropsByPonk, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Zak Ahmed & Darryl Noveschosch & Sapnap
Comments: 11
Kudos: 114





	1. tubbzo: watermelon

**Author's Note:**

> i apologize for misspells, but i wont correct them on tubbo's messages because he is not very good at typing. neither is tommy

**that one chat that doesn't have a name**

tubbzo: watermelon  
tubbzo: whats up*

ranboozled: How did you get that from w- ykw, I don't think I'll ask.

drè: i hear him laughing from the kitchen. it's kinda scary

technowo: dream? scared? keep going kid this is a miracle.

wilby scoot: pls don't type lowercase tech it's scary

BIG TOMMY: wilbur why would you tell him hes gonna keep doing it-

quack: HOLA MAMACITAS- wait there's no mamacitas here wtf

arson: well- i'm here...

monster energy: me too!

quack: OH YES YES THE FIANCES

georgenotwoke: shut up

quack: oh i'm gogy and i'm sleeping and i have clout goggles and dreams my boyfriend

drè: hi gogy

georgenotwoke: don't "hi gogy" me you bitch

bbh: LANGUAGE!

muffinhead: oooo lovers qualrel

arson: as if you two don't get divorced 700 times everyday

monster energy: vouch

quack: vouch

tubbzo: so can aosmone anser my question?

nihachuwu: i have acquired ranboo's phone

king eret: yes, finally

furry: wait what?

nihachuwu: they haven't been sleeping recently

king eret: yes so we have stolen their phone

tubbzo: :(

BIG TOMMY: NO NONONO TUBBSTER DONT BE SAD

tubbzo: :,(

BIG TOMMY: THE SKY TUBBO THE SKY IS UP- AND THE CLOUDS

tubbzo: :>

BIG TOMMY: YEAH THANKS FOR THE HELP EVERYONE

drè: I had to go to his room and make sure he wasn't actually crying shut up

schlong: Tubbo!!!

tubbzo: schlatt!

wilby scoot: you all see that? he's not even soft with me... brb going dark

BIG TOMMY: L

georgenotwoke: at least your boyfriend doesn't troll you 24/7

bbh: ^^^^

muffin: lol

drè: georgeeeeee it was funny

arson: it really was though-

monster energy: lol george got trolled

quack: we didn't get to see though :,(

philza minecwaft: ,

BIG TOMMY: UH OH- GOTTA GO-

wilby scoot: L the child's in trouble

philza minecwaft: Wilbur.

quack: lol y'all gettin in trouble in the gc

awesamdad: be nice, Quackity.

quack: ...okay

drè: LMAO U JUST GOT OWNEDDD

captain pfufy: hey, ducky that's not nice

monster energy: LMAO IMAGINE HAVING UR PARENTS IN THE GC

arson: ha- wait.

muffin: .

bbh: :>

monster energy: AHAHAHAH GET OWNED SAPNAP

schlong: oh no. i can hear it already

wilby scoot: what?

mincks: SCHLATT YOU FUCKIN BITCH

nihachuwu: L

technowo: Ow, damn

wilby scoot: ow to him or are you saying ow?-

technowo: Yes

philza minecwaft: I have Tommy. He's being held captive. If you hear screaming, ignore it.

wilby scoot: dw that just means he was sent to his room

king eret: ....we just give ranboo melatonin so they sleep-

furry: wow eret now they'll think we have them on drugs

nihachuwu: they need sleep, shhhh

captain pfufy: that's not very-

nihachuwu: shhh.

king eret: pls shhh she's scary

mincks: yea very scary

schlong: says the woman banging on my front door

mincks: yeah foken OPEN UP

tubbzo: dreaaaaaaaam i've been yelling for you for 3 minutes where are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

drè: tubbo i- i left the house, did you not hear the door?

tubbzo: wh- oh. :(

wilby scoot: AHHH THE CHILD hello bitches DONT MAKE TUBBO SAD I WILL BEAT YOU UP

technowo: You two make the voices go crazy. Shut up.

quack: what are they saying??

philza minecwaft: no please-

technowo: Mainly just e, a few blood for the blood god's here and there, and a ton of wilby and tommy. a TON.

wilby scoot: the voices call me wilby?-

technowo: It's more annoying than Tommy saying it.

monster energy: blood for the blood god?

philza minecwaft: you do NOT want to know.

technowo: You really don't.

mincks: i have successfully entered schlatt's house.

wilby scoot: and i have successfully left through the window

technowo: You can use the front door, you know.

wilby scoot: no bc then tommy would stop me and talk to me and i dont feel like doing that.

nihachuwu: what are you doing Will?

wilby scoot: going to see someone...

BIG TOMMY: oooooooo wilby has a boyfriend 

BIG TOMMY: WILBUR* 

wilby scoot: aww tommyyyyy 

technowo: Brb closing chat, the voices are going absolutely manic 

arson: karl, quackity. :$?? 

quack: :\ 

karl: :\ 

arson: okay :k? 

karl: :\ 

quack :\ 

drè: what in the fuck just happened. 

arson: hey... bad? 

bbh: yes? 

arson: can i go to karl's later? and like.... stay the night? 

bbh: i don't see why not 

quack: SAMMMMMMMM CAN I GO SEE KARLOS AND SAPNAP TONIGHT 

awesamdad: .....fine 

quack: karlos :kiss: quack: sapnap :kiss: 

arson: ....fuck you i'm not going soft for you 

monster energy: :( *sad meow* 

georgenotwoke: uh oh they broke sapnap georgenotwoke: *image.png.sapnapblushing* 

drè: BAHAHSHSHHSSHA 

arson: .....

_arson has left the chat_

monster energy: :(

quack: is he still coming tonight? 

monster energy: D:

georgenotwoke: he's looking over my shoulder and screaming "GOGY ADD ME BACK GEORGE GEORGE  
GEORGE GEORGE"

monster energy: :/

_arson has been added to the chat_

arson: I'M STILL GOING TONIGHT I'M SORRY

monster energy: :D

mincks: WHAT THE FUCK WILBLUR'S LIKE A FUCKIN MONKEY

nihachuwu: sounds like Will

schlong: he literally climbed through my window... on the second floor-

philza minecwaft: sounds like Will

BIG TOMMY: he's weird. 

wilby scoot: pls when u type and it's not all caps its very sus

schlong: wilbur why are you here?

wilby scoot: ....

mincks: he's gone red-

nihachuwu: Will's just like that... come over Minx :D

mincks: i am exiting schlatt's house. 

drè: hey wait why does sapnap get to hang out with you but i cant?

georgenotwoke: simple, i like sapnap. 

awesamdad: PUFFY!

captain pfufy: yes?

awesamdad: imagine- Karl and Tubbo interacting. have they ever directly talked?

captain pfufy: and Niki- I think i'd die

drè: all around me are FAMILIAR FACES

arson: lol rejected

bbh: that's not very nice sap :( if you're gonna bully him don't say it to his face

muffin: AHSJSHKSBDJDB

drè: ........

georgenotwoke: let's all- let's all breathe first

quack: ......

BIG TOMMY: ..........

arson: .........

awesamdad: ........

captain pfufy: ..........

bbh: uhhhh :/

drè: :) 

ranboozled: *wipes tears*

arson: we are all collectively surprised and scared

bbh: all I did was- 

muffin: bad, you literally just encouraged bullying- theyre trying to breathe

drè: :) 

ranboozled: OH GOD OH GOD

king eret: I can hear them having a heart attack from my room I-

drè: :)


	2. king eret: homosexual endermen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i needed to write more lol. waiting for the tales.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> accidentally posted lol

**that one chat that doesn't have a name**

king eret: so I was thinking

furry: oh dear god

king eret: homosexual endermen.

ranboozled: *cough*

nihachuwu: I-

technowo: Hi

wilby scoot: phil, tommy, u see that?

philza minecwaft: Mhmm...

BIG TOMMY: yea...

**SLEEPY BOIS CHAT**

dadza: Tech, what's up?

techie: Nothing, I'm fine

wilby: mhmm. suuuure

toms: you dont seem fine big man

techie: I'm fine, leave me alone.

wilby: cmon tech, whats wrong? pls, you can come to us when ya need it yk...

techie: Please, I said I'm fine.

toms: :/

dadza: I guess...

**that one chat that doesn't have a name**

awesamdad: Quackity when are you coming back home?

quack: uhhhhhh. some day.

awesamdad: Quackity

quack: i'll be home in like... 2 hours. 

philza minecwaft: Speaking of which, Wilbur, when will you be back??

wilby scoot: ....when i feel like letting go

georgenotwoke: what??

schlong: he means when he feels like getting off of me. 

technowo: He's probably tired, give him a while.

wilby scoot: im still here, dont talk about me like im not :(

technowo: Sorry, Will

wilby scoot: its oki

drè: how much u wanna bet half the people here are lurking?

technowo: Nah, I know they are. 

monster energy: i'm cuddling my boyfriends, shhhhhh

georgenotwoke: shut up i'm sleeping

tubbzo: dream... can u pik me and tommy up? were lost....

BIG TOMMY: NOOOOO NOT BIG D ANYONE BUT HIM PLS

drè: pls dont call me that.

BIG TOMMY: fine then d r e

drè: ....tubbo we'll leave him on the side of the road

BIG TOMMY: HEY NONONONONONONO

tubbzo: :( i like tommy though

drè: ....can we put him in the trunk??

philza minecwaft: I'll get Puffy. Don't put my son in the trunk of your car, I don't wanna hear him whine about it. 

BIG TOMMY: DAD I-

drè: no pls don't get puffy

wilby scoot: no put him in the trunk pls and take a picture i wanna see that

BIG TOMMY: phiiiiiiiiiiil wilburs being mean

philza minecwaft: I do not have the energy for this. @/bbh @/captain pfufy @/awesamdad Help.

captain pfufy: Be nice, Dream.

tubbzo: SHE JUST SAID UR NAME DREAM RUN RUN RUN THIS IS WHERE YOUR SPEEDRUNNING COMES IN

drè: ... 

awesamdad: Ngl this is funny. 

BIG TOMMY: SPEEDRUN DRIVE DREAM LETS GOOOOOOO

wilby scoot: shut up

georgenotwoke shut up.

wilby scoot: schlatt just shoved me off of him and called me a demon...

schlong: u two are way too in sync im out

wilby scoot: he left his own house i-

king eret: thanks for that narration

arson: george just said shut up and went back to sleep didn't he

monster energy: i feel lonely come back :(

quack: i told sam i'd be home i-

bbh: Sorry, Karl. We need Sapnap back :(

awesamdad: ....

_awesamdad added Ponky to the chat_

quack: .....

drè: who??

quack: his boyfriend

Ponky: Hi

awesamdad: hi

wilby scoot: schlatt come back.

philza minecwaft: I'm a father of 3 kids, but I'm alone in my house...

wilby scoot: where did tech go?

technowo: Nunya.

BIG TOMMY: so i have to be alone with the old man???

technowo: Yes.

wilby scoot: ehh, i might come home if schlatt doesnt come back

quack: ew i walked into the house and sam and ponk were cuddling

drè: exposed

awesamdad: .....

captain pfufy: Awww, good for you Sam! I feel lonely now ;-;

tubbzo: dont wrory puffy i can give u hugs!! :D

BIG TOMMY: ur so clingy tubbo 

tubbzo: :(

BIG TOMMY: AHHHHH NO ITS OKAY

tubbzo: :D

arson: well, quackity, welcome to the world of having two dads. bad and skeppy cuddle so much its sickening. but they also get divorced a lot, sooooo

captain pfufy: Hey, at least it's never serious, right? 

arson: yeah lol

ranboozled: well that's good

wilby scoot: ok since schlatt wont come back, im heading home

schlong: wait no please

wilby scoot: sorry :(

drè: be lucky he'll actually go to see u, george doesn't like me :,(

georgenotwoke: u literally pretended we were gonna break up and then told me that the thing we had to "talk about" was my style :|

arson: dream i-

captain pfufy: :(

tubbzo: uh oh i think mom's mad at u dream

BIG TOMMY: AHAHA HAVE FUN IM GONNA SPEEDRUN TO MY HOUSE

philza minecwaft: I'll leave the door unlocked

quack: i can hear the exhaustion in that message mr minecraft

wilby scoot: quackity on 3 ok?

quack: ok

wilby scoot: 1  
wilby scoot: 2  
wilby scoot: 3

quack: philza minecraft is so brave

wilby scoot: hes the bravest man i ever met

quack: did we raise your self esteem and happiness?

philza minecwaft: Yeah, sure

wilby scoot: FUCK YEAH LETS GO

BIG TOMMY: hes also old dont forget

wilby scoot: PHIL  
wilby scoot: PHIL NO  
wilby scoot: TOMMY HES CRAFTING A BELT

quack: AHDKHDKDHDID

technowo: I have like 400 potatoes...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cant change this cry i dont wanna unpost it

**Author's Note:**

> ugh i apologize tomorrow the angst starts


End file.
